Published 27 September 2026 · 6 min read
Choose a place that helps the conversation
The right venue is quiet, public and easy for both of you to reach. A café, a wine bar or an exhibition lends itself to conversation far better than a noisy restaurant or a cinema, where you barely talk.
Plan something short that can easily be extended: a drink can turn into dinner if you hit it off, and end gracefully if you don’t.
- Less than twenty minutes’ travel for each of you
- Somewhere you can hear each other
- An early-evening time that leaves some room
Bring two or three topics, not a script
The best conversations start from what genuinely excites you: a memorable trip, a book that shook you, a project you are working on. Ask open questions (“what made you want to…?”) rather than a string of closed ones that feel like a questionnaire.
Listen to the answer before preparing your own. Picking up on a small detail shows you are present, far more than a brilliant anecdote.
Taming your nerves
Feeling nervous is normal: it is a sign that this date matters to you. Arriving five minutes early, taking a breath and remembering that the other person probably feels the same is often enough to settle you.
Don’t stake everything on first impressions. Many great stories began with a first date that was simply pleasant.
Topics to keep for later
No subject is off-limits, but some are worth saving until trust has been built.
- A detailed account of your past relationships
- Divisive topics, argued as a debate
- Very committed plans in the first hour
- Your phone on the table
Ending on a graceful note
If you enjoyed the evening, simply say so. If you weren’t won over, thank them for their time without promising to meet again.
On Aparté, you don’t even have to say it face to face: after the date, you each say privately whether you would like to see the other person again, and the conversation only opens on a mutual yes.